5 months later, and still the same shiz

Yup its been pretty much 5 months since my last post, and there have been a few reasons why:

1. Lack of access to internet, my laptop is fu*ked, can’t get on the net without it crashing
2. Got a new job (whoop) but have had to work, as am in an office with my boss who can see straight on my screen…. No time for play 
3. Embarrassed… have been on a rollercoaster of up and down dieting, losing a kg, and then putting on 2, again and again…. Haven’t weighed myself in a couple of months as I’m scared to see the result…

Anyway now I’m back and determined to end this terrible cycle and get skinny by Summer 
It’s July now, so I’ve hot about 4 months to shape up and get a sexy flat stomach and slim thieghs before summer  (summer is in December over here)
Now last time I was using this handy motivation tool (love blogging!) was in Feb, when I was weighing in at around about 57kg. Now I’d estimate I’m closer to 60kg . Gay balls.
But My goal for December will be 52kg ---- total weight to loose: 8kg.
Honestly that’s not even that much over 4 months, so I’m not exactly setting the bar super high, but at least it’s a start. And if I do reach this target, I will (hopefully) be most satisfied, and it will only really get better from there.

So with 8kg’s to loose how will I do it:
-Gym minimum of 5 times per week, atleast 1 hour sessions, with high cardio workout included
- Cut down on BREAD!!! Goodness I eat so much of this stuff!
- Take special days to diet – actually did a vege/ fruits diet last week for 5 days, and it was alright, going to try this “Wonder Soup” diet soon, maybe next week as it looks alright too
- Just make healthy choices in general…. Start slow and build myself up 

SO I know its easier said than done, but I WANT TO BE SKINNY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So I will follow my plan and do good and I WILL BE!!!!!

YAY!

Days' 4 & 5 of 5

Even though it was kind of ages ago now (like almost a week!) I feel like I should finish what I started with my 5 day diet reviews.
So as i remember day 4 was pretty rubbish, but day 5 was all good, until I went out and had far too much to drink. Alcohol is my weakness, I actually get so many calories from it... damn it, wish I was a cheap drunk...

Anyway, i feel slack that its been so long since my last post, so i'm going to write a good one today, and post it up in a couple of hours - i actually have quite a bit to say and I need some helpful advice, so please check back soon.

Also thankyou guys for keep posting, because I have been reading yours and they help me stay on track so bad :) its really helpful, like you guys are a real support network (dont mean to get too mushy on ya!)

But I'll write again soon - and dont worry it'll be better than this very below-av post

Day 3 of 5

So yesterday (day 3) i followed a 'banana diet' (well that's what im calling it). I ate 3 banana's and a handful of nuts.... o and a kfc snack burger.... shit.... but hopefully thats still atleast under 1000 calories?
I went to the gym aswell, but didnt stay for as long as i usually do because i hurt my arm and it was quite painful.
Today im doing the 'carrot diet' - yup made that up too.
I really wish there was a faster way to do this, im so impatient.

Day 2 of 5

Going ok - not as good as yesterday, as I had half a cheese/ tomato/ ham baguette an a hot chocolate for lunch. But thats it, and I wont eat anymore hopefully, so my calorie intake should still be kind of low :)

Thanks for all your comments, and please keep posting on your blogs, you guys are so inpsiring :)
get skinny :)

Day 1 of 5

Omg, so stoked with myself, its 5pm and I’ve only had a handful of nuts and half a banana today. It’s a good start to my 5 day diet :) hopefully I can keep it going…
You know once you kind of get over that initial hunger its really not so bad. I felt hungry this morning round 10, as I’d usually have morning tea at this time, but I just filled up on water and I was sweet. Its just breaking routine, once you step over the line its fine.
I anticipate I’ll be hungry tonight around 7 (dinnertime) so I plan to drink heaps from 6 – 7 and if necessary have a carrot. Then I’ll head to bed early to avoid any chance that I might feel the need to snack.
Oh I really hope this helps… just want to go down… its become a necessity, like, when I get on the scales and it hasn’t gone down, (whether its stayed the same or gone up) I cringe and I feel so shit. But prior to today I have been eating kinda naughtily… so I guess I deserve it. This week will be better.

I heart diet coke...

Ok so i went to two 21st's this weekend, and I did pretty well with managing my alcohol intake 9which is rather tricky as my friends and I love a drink...) Anyway I struck to vodka & diet coke (even though cocktails were subsidised :s ) and even just ordered diet coke half the time too. So i did ok, well better than I thought i was gonna anyway.
Haven't eaten much this weekend, a piece of toast this morning, and some sushi yesterday, but thats about it.

I have a plan for this week too, as i'm really wanting to get out of the 120's asap! My plan invovles exercise 5 times this week, and a diet of raw nuts, cucumber, carrots and maybe the odd banana before the gym.
Hopefully i can stick to it, its only 5 days, i mean i really should be able to...

Otherwise i'm getting my colonic next saturday, when I rang and booked I asked the lady about effects it can have on one's weight, and she said (in a more polite way) that this one old fat lady in her 50's went and got one for the first time and lost almost 7kg! holy crap thats amazing! i would love that!!! but i doubt that will be the smae for me, because i'm not that old, so i wont have as much shit in my colon as she did, but hopefully i can go down abit...

But i know it wont really change my appearance because its just stuff coming out of my colon, it wont make me look any different, it will hopefully just change what i see on the scales, and jump start my weight loss a little... i'll let you all know how it goes anyway :)

Bad day yesterday - Good day today

Hello all,

Sorry I didn’t post anything yesterday, I’m kind of bummed about it actually, as these blogs have become my major form of inspiration atm, so when I don’t write / read them, I lose a bit of my self control… meaning I had a chocolate brownie (again!) yesterday and another 8 piece pack of sushi. = big fat fatty pig.

But I felt super bad about it so I worked out for an hour and a half at the gym – which actually made parts of my sushi sit funny in my stomach, so I was able to throw them up. I know I didn’t get all the sushi (because the gym was like 3 hours after I ate it) but I definitely got some. But ew, I really hate throwing up, its so grouse!

I made my self sick for the first time when I was 14 or 15. I used to do it at school, I’d excuse myself from class and sprint to the tech classes as there were only disabled toilets there, so I was able go hard and not worry about the person in the next cubicle hearing me.

From then on I’ve slipped in and out of my purging habit (5 years!). I always do if I eat like a pig, or if I’m drunk – as I HATE hangovers. One time my friends and I had been drunk and without thinking I made myself sick – they didn’t see, but they heard me, and were like “WTF?”. I told them I had to, and it was yuck, and I couldn’t believe I’d actually done it… lies… (except it is yuck). Now I have to be more careful when I drink.

Speaking about drinking, meant to be going to a friends 21st tonight. I really want to go, but I’m always torn with drinking. Because firstly, if I drink on an empty stomach, I get wasted super fast, to a point where its embarrassing and I cant control myself = not cool. And secondly what to drink? Lately I’ve been going for vodka & soda or vodka & diet coke – I think these are as low as I can get, at approx 70 calories per drink.

I think I might just have to line my stomach with some veges before I go out tonight – - Which kind of sucks as I’ve only had one piece of brown toast today, so its going really well :) :) Oh well, I guess a few veges can’t hurt too much, and I think I’ll limit myself to 2 alcohol drinks tonight – then back to water … lets see how that goes…

Anyway a big thank you to you lovely skinny people, it feels so good to talk about this kind of stuff with people who kind of know what I’m on about!
Your blogs are all so inspirational, so keep going, I love reading them :)

Some days are bad days...

Like today.
My initial plan: liquid diet.

This was meant to make up for my slight binge on dinner last night (broccoli, carrots & a bowl of muesli). That’s all I ate yesterday though, and compared to today, that’s like nibbling on scraps.

First I woke up and had another bowl of muesli (mum got this new one and unfortunately it’s nice). After kicking myself for falling back into routine (breakfast) I was back on track with liquid’s only, drinking roughly one glass of water each hour – I must of gone to the toilet at least 8 times while I was at work…

That was all good until that f*cker called “lunch” came along. My boss bought me a hot chocolate – which at my work they make with chocolate buttons & full fat milk – delicious, and I guess it still technically fits into the ‘liquid diet’, but it’s pretty much the fattiest fat fat drink ever, and I drank it all. It’s like I just can’t stop myself, pathetic. Sure it didn’t help that my boss and everyone was in the same room, so they would have noticed if I didn’t but even now I just feel like I’m making excuses for myself…

And lunch didn’t stop there. Well no, of course not, I obviously had to stuff my guts with a whole packet of chicken & avocado sushi. I am officially disgusted at myself.

It’s so weird like I’m always so ‘anti-food’, but when someone puts it in front of me, it’s like I think, Oh well I have to eat it, otherwise its rude, plus it’s not that bad....

I’m not sure how many calories this is, and if someone wanted to guess, that’d be great, as I’m curious (& petrified) to find out. (muesli + sickly hot chocolate + 8x chicken sushi pieces)
Whatever you decide a regular hot chocolate is, double it for me, as I promise this was no ordinary hot chocolate…

Argh, and I’m scared as I’m going out to dinner to catch up with some friends tonight – they’ve picked thai food aka. Not healthy whatsoever. Hmm… might have to pull the old “Oh I had dinner before I came, I thought it was just drinks!” and just order diet coke all night… how do you manage these situations, honestly?

Well that’s it for now, thanks for your support and ideas!
Oh and New Zealand is below Australia!

Weight & Me

First of all, Yay, this is only my second day as a ‘blogger’ and I’ve already got one follower! Thanks!

Anyway, today’s post is about weight – as I feel many of mine will be (not all, but many).
It’s the thing I think about the most– not boys, sex or money, my size. I’m obsessed, and I’ll happily admit that here, online, where know one really knows me, but in person, no way!

It’s hard to tell to my friends, as I’m quite serious. It’s not just something I say as a spur of the moment comment – and I know if my friends knew the extent to which this thing affects me they’d criticise me – or be jealous. I guess that’s so self-centred of me, but I want to be the ‘skinny one’ out of my group of friends, I can’t tell them how far I go to try to get to this position, as I’m sure they’d compete, and diet too – and I’d lose my little game. It’s easy for them though, they’re all naturally skinny.

I also can’t admit any weight issues I have to my family. They already think I’m obsessed, they haven’t said it explicitly, but I can tell by the little comments that they’re watching me. Like when I skip dinner, my mum will get angry, and my dad will say something like “make sure you’re eating properly” – in fact if I complain, moan or say anything, my dad tends to pull out that line.
My mum on the other hand confuses the fuck out of me, she’ll get all concerned if I miss dinner, but if I don’t go to the gym that day she’ll say something like “Oh you didn’t go to the gym today?” – as if I was disgustingly fat for not going.

So it’s my secret – just like other bloggers on this site with similar secrets. Isn’t it silly the way that people all round the world have the same issues?

Some blame the media, which I guess do have a lot to be responsible for, but for me, it’s people’s opinions’ that give me the most desire to slim down. I don’t want to be regular. I want to be small. Extra-small. A little person.
For me it’s not about getting control or finding an outlet to deal with issues in my life, it’s simply about losing weight, and being comfortable with myself.

What about you?

Colonics & Me

I’m always interested to hear the new ‘weight loss secrets’ that seem to come out each week in a new magazine. It’s probably because I’m petrified of failure, and somewhat associate success with ones personal appearance. I’m not fat, I know that, but I also know I’m not perfect.

At the beginning of 2009 I was 62kg, and set myself the goal of getting to 55kg by the end of the year. On December 31st 2009 I was 55.4kg – pretty happy with myself, I set the bar higher (actually lower) for this years goal. I’m hoping to get to at least 49kg. I am quite short so this would still be a healthy weight for me, and hopefully I’d be able to fit into a NZ size 6 – not sure what this is in US sizes but I thinks its also a 6 in the UK. When I can fit this dress size, I think I’ll be satisfied.

Anyway, back to where I was originally going with this post – the latest way to lose weight that I’ve read about is through a colonic – which is wear they put a pipe up your bum and suck out all the shit and stuff that’s got stuck in your colon. Sounds grose, and from past experiences that I won’t go into, it’s never nice having things stuck up your bum.
BUT the results sound really good. First of all you can lose up to 3.5kgs immediately, just from the stuff they suck out of you. Secondly, because they get rid of this stuff, it means you can process food much faster and more efficiently, which also helps to lose weight steadily long-term. It also helps to decrease your chances of getting colon cancer, which I really don’t fancy getting, so sounds good to me.

I’d kind of like to hear from someone that’s had this procedure, or knows someone that’s had this procedure – is it all its cracked up to be (lol… crack). I’ve had a quick search and its about $90, which is about a days work for me, so I could afford it – it might just mean missing out on a new dress for the weekend.

In writing this I’ve kind of convinced myself into getting one – if nothing more than to kick start my weight loss for the year. I’ll let you know how it goes (excluding the gory details.) TBC…

Start at the very begining...

Well this is it.
My first ever blog post - my first ever blog to be honest.

Why did I make this blog - well at this point I am still not quite sure, I know it was a mixture of being inspired by other blogs and my complete and total boredom. Anyway i'm gonna give this thing ago, who knows how long it will last, as I have a tendancy to start things then give up on them after I find something new.... but blogs seem to be growing in popularity, and I kind of like the fact that this ones totally anonymous, as it means I can say exactly what I think about things - and I'm hoping that someone will be bored enough to read them...

I say 'bored enough' as I'm pretty sure, as my blog state, my crap is really not worthy of a blog.
I'm pretty ordinary as you will probably find out - although like everyone I have issues in my life that come and go - mostly come, but sometimes go.

Anyway, I hope someone reads this, just for my own personal satisfaction, in fact if you do read this, thankyou, and don't worry my posts will get better - (as they'll actually be about something rather than a bunch of nothing like this one.)