Thursday, January 21, 2010
Bad day yesterday - Good day today
Sorry I didn’t post anything yesterday, I’m kind of bummed about it actually, as these blogs have become my major form of inspiration atm, so when I don’t write / read them, I lose a bit of my self control… meaning I had a chocolate brownie (again!) yesterday and another 8 piece pack of sushi. = big fat fatty pig.
But I felt super bad about it so I worked out for an hour and a half at the gym – which actually made parts of my sushi sit funny in my stomach, so I was able to throw them up. I know I didn’t get all the sushi (because the gym was like 3 hours after I ate it) but I definitely got some. But ew, I really hate throwing up, its so grouse!
I made my self sick for the first time when I was 14 or 15. I used to do it at school, I’d excuse myself from class and sprint to the tech classes as there were only disabled toilets there, so I was able go hard and not worry about the person in the next cubicle hearing me.
From then on I’ve slipped in and out of my purging habit (5 years!). I always do if I eat like a pig, or if I’m drunk – as I HATE hangovers. One time my friends and I had been drunk and without thinking I made myself sick – they didn’t see, but they heard me, and were like “WTF?”. I told them I had to, and it was yuck, and I couldn’t believe I’d actually done it… lies… (except it is yuck). Now I have to be more careful when I drink.
Speaking about drinking, meant to be going to a friends 21st tonight. I really want to go, but I’m always torn with drinking. Because firstly, if I drink on an empty stomach, I get wasted super fast, to a point where its embarrassing and I cant control myself = not cool. And secondly what to drink? Lately I’ve been going for vodka & soda or vodka & diet coke – I think these are as low as I can get, at approx 70 calories per drink.
I think I might just have to line my stomach with some veges before I go out tonight – - Which kind of sucks as I’ve only had one piece of brown toast today, so its going really well :) :) Oh well, I guess a few veges can’t hurt too much, and I think I’ll limit myself to 2 alcohol drinks tonight – then back to water … lets see how that goes…
Anyway a big thank you to you lovely skinny people, it feels so good to talk about this kind of stuff with people who kind of know what I’m on about!
Your blogs are all so inspirational, so keep going, I love reading them :)