First of all, Yay, this is only my second day as a ‘blogger’ and I’ve already got one follower! Thanks!
Anyway, today’s post is about weight – as I feel many of mine will be (not all, but many).
It’s the thing I think about the most– not boys, sex or money, my size. I’m obsessed, and I’ll happily admit that here, online, where know one really knows me, but in person, no way!
It’s hard to tell to my friends, as I’m quite serious. It’s not just something I say as a spur of the moment comment – and I know if my friends knew the extent to which this thing affects me they’d criticise me – or be jealous. I guess that’s so self-centred of me, but I want to be the ‘skinny one’ out of my group of friends, I can’t tell them how far I go to try to get to this position, as I’m sure they’d compete, and diet too – and I’d lose my little game. It’s easy for them though, they’re all naturally skinny.
I also can’t admit any weight issues I have to my family. They already think I’m obsessed, they haven’t said it explicitly, but I can tell by the little comments that they’re watching me. Like when I skip dinner, my mum will get angry, and my dad will say something like “make sure you’re eating properly” – in fact if I complain, moan or say anything, my dad tends to pull out that line.
My mum on the other hand confuses the fuck out of me, she’ll get all concerned if I miss dinner, but if I don’t go to the gym that day she’ll say something like “Oh you didn’t go to the gym today?” – as if I was disgustingly fat for not going.
So it’s my secret – just like other bloggers on this site with similar secrets. Isn’t it silly the way that people all round the world have the same issues?
Some blame the media, which I guess do have a lot to be responsible for, but for me, it’s people’s opinions’ that give me the most desire to slim down. I don’t want to be regular. I want to be small. Extra-small. A little person.
For me it’s not about getting control or finding an outlet to deal with issues in my life, it’s simply about losing weight, and being comfortable with myself.
What about you?